Thursday, March 05, 2009

Down The Drain

I wish I knew what was wrong with me. I just don't feel good. Hardly ever. I am supposed to be a volunteer at The Bear's school, but I haven't done anything in a LONG time. His teacher probably thinks I'm the worse mom ever. I never know what kind of day it's going to be. It's hard to plan ahead. So many days, I wake up with a horrible headache. Sometimes, I barely make it out of bed. Many days, I get my family out the door and then sleep for another couple of hours. I feel guilty.

I have been sick so many times. I have been on antibiotics 10 times in the last year. I know it's not good, but what can I do? I am feeling sick again, but I keep putting off going to the Dr. to see if I can fight it off myself. I have made an appointment in two weeks with an Immunologist. I have read that some people are born without certain antibodies to fight off infections. Sounds like me. Although I hope they are able to give me some answers, I'm not counting on it. I have been to so many doctors. I have had so many tests. I am so sick of it.

I feel like a failure as a wife and mother. I am not taking care of things like I think they should be taken care of. My house falls apart around me. Living in a house of boys, they just don't see things like I do. I want to be able to do it all. What's wrong with that?

I just don't feel good. I just don't feel good.

9 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Being sick sucks so bad! I hope you feel better soon!

Nick and Aubrey said...

aww :( loves!!!

if you need any help, i'm willing! i'm close now so i can be there to do something if you need me to :)

Linda Bennett said...

You have a good relationship with your husband and you have two great kids. That is because you are not a failure. I think we all feel that way at times. Its because we try to do it all and it can't be done. Don't beat yourself up. Just do what you can do when you can do it.

Jaime said...

{{{hugs}}} I love you and hope you get feeling better. Hopefully the Immunologist will have some ideas for you.

Kendyl said...

well.. sheesh, i hope you are feeling better. If you are too sick to do the boutique thingy, let me know.. i dont want to be a bigger burden on you.. i emailed you some pics of some stuff i made. let me know if they came through. I did it on the righttrak email... hope thats the one you use.. email me pics of the colors of your house!!!!

Erin said...

I went through a similar thing a couple years ago -- i went to so many doctors because I knew something wasn't right. no one could help me. One doctor even suggested I go see a psychologist about depression, but I knew it was something else. I finally was told to see a cardiologist and turns out I had a heart problem that was causing everything -- even the weirdo symptoms that made me feel crazy. Once I got on medicine, I felt 100 percent better. Needless to say, I've never gone back to that doctor who thought it was all in my head!
Anyway, if you think something is wrong, don't give up. Go to a specialist and keep trying. You're not a failure!

Lavinia said...

I know that you do alot more than you think you do, and you don't give yourself enough credit for all that you do. I am very sorry to hear that you are feeling grotty. I hate that feeling of the house falling apart too! I hope the doctors can get to the bottom of things and improve your health soon.....

Lissaloo said...

I hope you are feeling a bit better. It's hard to not be able to all the things you want and see that need doing! Hopefully the Im. Dr. will have some help for you. :) HUGS

Anonymous said...

Have you had your thyroid checked out? When mine went haywire and quit working, I could not get out of bed, felt like a mac truck had run over me, and I slept all the time, no energy. I was cold, and my hair was falling out, oh and dry skin too. Of course mine was extreme but with the thyroid medicine I'm great. Its a simple blood test, and its worth a shot if those symptoms fit you. Hope you feel better soon. Coco's mom Diane