I have been having many "dark days" lately. It is getting harder and harder to handle the day to day stresses that are going on. Saturday, I snapped.
Dave has been working very long hours lately. And since he got put on salary, he doesn't even get compensated for the hours. It has been a really stressful situation. On Friday, my mom said she would stay with The Bear and treat Dave and I to a date night movie. We have been unable to have a date night for several months, due to schedules and finances. I called him at work to let him know and we were both excited to be able to spend some time together. At 5, when he was supposed to be getting off work, he called to tell me he would be working late...again, and didn't know when he would be home. I waited and waited, but it was after 9 before he got home. It was too late to go on our date. I suggested that we use the movie money and have a breakfast date on Saturday morning before my mom had to go home. He said he had to go into work at 7am on Saturday. Friday, he had had to go in early, had once again not been able to take a lunch, (or dinner) break. I told him that I thought his boss was taking advantage of him and blah, blah, blah. He got mad at me and went to bed.
Saturday morning, early, I had a VERY stressful situation happen with The Bear. It is something that has been happening almost EVERY DAY since he got his casts put on. I hit my limit. After taking care of (cleaning up) the situation, I got a trash bag and threw all of his video games into it. I then had him follow me outside where I proceeded to dump them all into the trash. He was screaming and throwing a fit saying that "this was his worst day ever". I yelled back and said, "welcome to my world". Then sent him to his room and locked myself in my room. (My mom was here and had to deal with the whole thing...sorry mom.) I was in my room for about an hour, stewing and stewing, then I just couldn't take it anymore. I went to the computer, logged onto priceline and bid on a hotel room for the next two nights. I didn't have the money to do this. It was very irresponsible. My bid for $35 was accepted, so I threw some clothes in a bag, and as I was walking out the door, said, "very calmly", that I would be back in two days. I then called Dave on his cell and said the same thing. Then...I was out the door. It was 9am.
I drove to the hotel, (just in Tempe, about 20 minutes from my house), checked in and proceeded to cry for the next several hours. It was a horrible day. Not relaxing. I felt guilty for spending the money. I had no money for food. I felt bad for yelling at The Bear. I felt bad for leaving my mom there at home, "holding the bag". I talked to Dave several times on the phone and I was inconsolable. It wasn't right for me to just take off when he is having such a bad time at work right now.
To make a long story somewhat shorter, Dave and The Bear came and visited me at the hotel on Saturday night and spent the night there. Dave ended up having to go back to work at 1am for a couple of hours. The Bear stayed with me. Saturday morning, we let Dave sleep in while The Bear and I explored around the hotel. They left at about 10 and I stayed there for the rest of the day, sleeping and reading. By 8pm, I was ready to go home. I checked out early and drove back.
Dave had to go back to work last night at 12:30 for a couple of hours and will have to do the same tonight. What makes me crazy is that the overtime pay he SHOULD be getting for all the hours spent there would pull us out of this financial nightmare we are in right now, but no.
I don't know what's wrong with me. Why can't I just deal and roll with the punches. I feel like I'm losing my mind.