Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Searching

I am in need of something I can get excited about. Something just for me. Something creative and exciting that I can be passionate about. I've got nothing.

I have flitted from thing to thing, but get bored after awhile. I did scrapbooking for several years, and believe me, I have a ton of stuff, but the thought of dragging it out onto my kitchen table is just too much. If I had a craft room or something, I might actually be crafty again, but as of now, it all just sits on shelves in my overly crowded bedroom.

I am thinking of taking some classes or something. I think I would really like to try photography, but before I can sign up for classes, I need a better camera. And, we are so broke, so that isn't going to happen any time soon.


I would love to get involved in some kind of community theater, but that requires such a huge time commitment, there is no way I can do it. Plus, it's been so many years since I've done any kind of theater, I'm afraid I may have lost my talent. (It wasn't TOO hard to get a part in the small community I lived in in New Mexico, but here, there is HUGE talent pool...I'm sure no one would want me!)


I feel like I'm losing myself. I am turning into a grumpy lump. It's even getting hard to "pretend" I'm happy. I owe it to myself, and my family to be better than this. Help.

10 comments:

Jami said...

Oh, Erica. I'm so sorry you feel this way. I could have written this exact post! I know I am really lucky to have gotten my camera, but everything else that is crappy in life has sucked most of the fun out of it. I hope we can both find a way to be happy SOON!!! I love you!

Colorado Mommy said...

Remember, you never know what you can do until you try. Never be afraid to try.
Grab that scrapbooking stuff and once you get it out and get started it is so relaxing. :)

nanatrish said...

Why don't you see about volunteering at a senior center or at a local hospital? I think you have lots of talent to always plan neat events. You are not a lump and I pray you will realize that you are so special and are just looking for your niche.

Beverly said...

You can purchase a refubished camera and pay it out through BillMeLater. that is how I got a CanonRebelXT a couple of years ago and I love it.

AZMom said...

Oh I am sorry to hear you are so down. It takes a toll on us when we need to be mommy, wife, teacher (to our kids) and still find time for ourselves.

That is the same camera I want too. I have gotten back in to scrapping pretty regularily. Wish you lived closer!!

I started my tap class last night and love it. I think you should look into theater. I am sure you would do wonderfully in it!

big hugs to you my friend!

Sharr said...

here's what i think (as if you haven't had enough today) i think you need to find some hobby outside of your home, a couple of hours a week, be it volunteering to rock sick babies at the hospital, working at dq or taking a foo foo class at the comm. college-- like bowling or something-- get out of your house, get out where you can visit with some other people and get your self out in the world again, with kayden gone all day again, you've got time, just pick something and try it out--you're in a place where you can try something and if it doesn't work out, it's not a huge loss, but you don't know if you don't try-- i'm sure there is some theater in mesa that would be happy to have your talents-- whether there is competition or not doesn't really matter-- you're doing this just for you, not for the rest of the world-- as long as you're enjoying yourself, it doesn't matter who else enjoys it or sees you doing it... this ones for you.

Nikki said...

I understand how you feel. I completely understand with the scrapbooking thing. I took up cooking and baking but the problem is you eat everything. What about knitting? What about getting involved with a local play?

Darce said...

Erica! That makes me sad 'cuz you're so awesome! Fountain Hills community Theater might be something for you to look into. It is a huge time commitment, but you need to fill your bucket. One thing that helped me last year was going to the temple once/week--to do initiatories 'cuz it was quick and it was free. Another idea may be genealogy--I know you've got lots 'cuz of your background. I like the idea of a community college class, too. And, senior centers always are fun--the old people love you so much and make you laugh--you really leave feeling like you're appreciated. you have tons to offer, girl!

Jaime said...

I get like that too sometimes. Sometimes I just need a good girls' night out. What's sad is that I've gotten to the point where going to the grocery store by myself is exciting. Ha ha!

Lavinia said...

Drama Mama, you have so much on your plate already, all these events that you are planning and organizing....I doubt you could fit anything for anyone else in.....but I understand that what you want or need is something creative just for you....theatre is a huge time commitment, I know....

Crafty is fun but it does take space, that is true. What about something like singing? That doesn't require 'stuff'....oh I don't know, my brain is fuzz tonight....I will give this some thought......

I can speak from experience, pretending to be happy is too much exhausting...