Thursday, August 17, 2006

Introspective and Tired and Cranky (beware!)

I think I must project to other people an image of perkiness and self confidance. Think...heck...I know that's what I do. Actually, my confidance is ok, but my self esteem is HORRIBLE! And...sometimes I don't feel like being perky. It is very draining. It is very hard to be "on" all the time. What happens is, I go to different functions, church, school, etc and put on the perky face and persona, then I get home and crash into a stupor.

Why am I thinking about this now? Tonight there is a party at church, and I'm on the planning committee. When I was asked to be on the committee, I was told I was in charge of publicity, and since it is a huge job in itself, I wouldn't have to do much of anything else. Yeah...right. The activity is a Service Auction. Not only did I do all the advertising for the event, I'm also making all the centerpieces, all the necessary posters, etc for the auction and...AND...I have to be the auctioneer. Yes...I will have to be "ON" for hours.

You may be thinking..."Why don't you just say NO!" Yep...I have a big problem with that. Especially when it comes to church things. I feel like if I'm asked, I need to say yes and do the best job possible. So, here I am....glueing centerpieces, typing posters, and trying to psych myself up for a night of "fun".

Crap.

I think this waking up at 5:30 is taking its toll.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have the same problem: "being on". I hate it. I wish I could be "ON" for my family and "OFF" for everyone else. I wish I could say I don't give a rip-snort what other people think. But I do. Thus the perkiness for them and whatever is left (ornery-ness, tiredness,etc) for the fam. My poor fam. It doesn't make any sense.

I would pay you money if you went and acted all crabby and tired at the auction. But if you're like me, it would have to be a very pretty penny to even be tempting.

SalGal said...

I've been showing more and more of my "off" side to others. It's not so bad. I think it's refreshing for others to know it's ok to not be "on" all the time. Try it!

Strude said...

Along similar lines, I am sick of being nice to people I can't stand. Being nice to them just makes them think I like them and gives them the liberty to continue to tell me about their lives. I just want to scream, "I don't like you. I have never liked you. So, what makes you think that I care about your stinking kids? Shut up!"

G.W. Mama said...

Oh, I'm so sorry! I used to have that problem with no knowing how to say "no" too. Then the stress of saying YES just got to be too overwhelming! Hopefully, you will get through this and be able to look back on it as a learning experience. Don't be afraid to be good to yourself and say NO next time! You'll be glad that you did! (Gosh--I sound like a commercial or something! HA HA!).

Jody

monica said...

Tired and cranky. Heck, you're my kind of woman! LMAO! :) I hear you. I used to have a big problem with NO but now I have a little one... :) Sigh. Knowing you have a problem with it is half the battle girl!

peebugg said...

just think....

Being happy and positive is well worth the effort when you know how many people it annoys!!!!

I am sure you are doing a great job and better than most that's why they keep asking you.

Grab a coke...and "SMILE"...

Good luck...and happy napping on Monday

peebugg said...

are you better yet?

Jillian said...

First of all, a big hug:

(((((((((((((((((((Erica)))))))))))))))))

Second of all, I happen to know a doting hubby who gave his wife a certain gift that has to do with a certain downloaded course on a certain approach to...um...sanity.

:)

I don't have my official "student email" set up right now (it got too expensive, darn it...), but I want you to know that I AM HERE TO WALK YOU THROUGH EACH AND EVERY STEP OF THE WAY! What you've just shared here is exactly the kind of life-draning stuff that you need to say good-bye to. And that's what Six Steps is all about.

Will you let me walk beside you? :)

Dave said...

he he he she said doting.

Dave said...

on that note, a new post is always a good way to vent.