Friday, October 14, 2005

sigh

I am here with the boys in New Mexico, in the city I grew up in. This afternoon, I took my dad to the Dr. to have his blood checked. In the waiting room was a girl I went to school with many moons ago. Let me preface this that I have prayed several times throughout this trip that I wouldn't run in to anyone I knew. Anyway, she keeps looking at me, and when they called her daughter into the back, she comes over to me, asking if she knew me. I said she looked familiar and then she asks if I am (name withheld). I told her no, and then said my name. She had an oh yeah moment, and then went into the back.

Why does this bother me, you ask? The girl she thought I was, was the "Chubby Girl" from school. I know I look like crap, but I really hate being reminded of it. It makes me want to hide out here in the house until it's time to go home. It isn't fun to see people who remember you one way, when you look so different. I hate it! And I really hate me!

8 comments:

Dave said...

Me thinks you are cute and nobody else matters!

Love you!

Hubby

Bree said...

You are beautiful. Don't let anyone make you think otherwise.

SalGal said...

When I first saw your picture, I thought you looked like the typical Normon Supermom. Always prepared, always doing her calling, always with a smile. (I mean that as a compliment, btw)

Think of how it makes Heavenly Father feel when you say things like that to yourself.

Dave said...

Honey,

Bree nailed it right on the head. I have been telling you that for years, but you can see that other people believe it as well.

You have many people who love you for WHO YOU ARE, not what they wish you were.

Salgal also nailed it. Think of how your Heavenly Father feels, think of how it makes me feel. You are my best friend, and it hurts ME to hear you trash yourself like that. I love you more than anything else. I love YOU. I love YOU. I love YOU. The way that you are.

From my heart I love you.

Love, Davy

peebugg said...

MY TURN!!!!!!

First off...consider the source, we discussed this today. She was and is not exactly the brighest bulb in the box.......

Neither one of us looks like we did in high school, but look at the stupid crap we did in high school!!!!

We are much better people now and if those whom you or us knew then can't see that now...then.. then.. .. they will be forever doomed to never know just exactly how cool you really are.

You were talking to total strangers today and you had their full attention.

I am in awe.

peebugg said...

WAIT!!!!

I wasn't done....

I look at my senior and I was and still am very proud of the way I looked.

But, I look at myself today and I am very proud of the way I AM!!

Barbies come and go, but really good people last forever....

Chicka said...

Sweetie, they all make good points, but you know what? We have to try to love ourselves and it's SO DAMN HARD. I too suffer from low self esteem and self loathing. Society doesn't help.

But I love you nonetheless. We'll keep each other up, k?

Keep smiling, my friend. You're more together than you realize.

Jillian said...

You are a beautiful woman.

Please don't succumb to self-loathing. Oh, how hard it is -- I know, I know. There are so many reasons that we fall prey to it. But it can -- and will -- slowly destroy us from the inside out.

Yes, you are carrying some extra weight. But the weight shouldn't come off because it makes you "hate-able" (it doesn't); it should come off because it's not healthy, and there's a certain guy who thinks you are Queen of the Known Universe, and I'm fairly certain he would like to have you around for a good, long time. Then you can both putter around in your 90's, and change each other's Depends.