Monday, March 21, 2005

Faker, Faker, Belly-Ache-er

Do you know anyone who seems just "so comfortable" in social situations? Someone who has no problem talking in front of crowds? Someone who seems to be very self confident and happy? That's me. But it's not real. I am the queen faker! I can put on a great face in public, but inside, I feel like I'm dying. Most of the time, I am sad, I have bad feelings about myself, and I'm tired.

My husband says that I don't need to project a happy image if I don't feel like it. This isn't true. People come to expect certain things from you, and would be disappointed if you acted another way.

I suppose everyone is a faker to a certain extent. But I'd sure like to be the person I pretend to be!!


peebugg said...

Personally, and I can say this because I know both of our moms, our moms did it to us. They were always there with the morally right answer and the I am disappointed with you look. Very rarely did you see them having a nervous break down or a freak out attack. It was the most "getter dun" attitude in the world. No matter how bad you felt or looked, just get your tasks done.

I am this way as well, but in the bathtub at night when the water is running, I am usually crying. But, I am still looking for the path to the perfect happy ending. At least you are on the right path and I know you will be there soon and most likely way way before I am.

Chicka said...

It's usually those who are real comedians that are the ones crying inside.

When I finally "came out" as the severely depressed person I am, it floored a lot of people. They always saw me as the happy-go-lucky, helpful, always there for everybody person.

Yes, I was. That was my way of avoiding the problems within myself.

Hang in there hon. You'are NEVER alone. There are tons of us out there.

Aubs said...

whats so bad with disappointing others???

i just dont really give a rat's bottom what anyone ever thinks of me anymore. it's made me a lot happier. lots less expectations, and more REAL emotion. forget about pretending you are who you want to be unless you want to lie to YOURSELF all the time. personally, i think that sucks worse than lying to others.

live YOUR life. not the life others "force" you to have.

anyway...i'm off my soap box :) hope things get better for you. missed you at sadies. hope you're feeling better.

Anonymous said...


Madge said...

I think many many people put on a happy face. We are taught to do so from an early age. Did you ever have a scene where your parents were arguing and then the phone rings and your (just a second ago screaming) parent answers with a sickly sweet and welcoming hello.

Ayannali said...

I used to fake being happy most of the time until the point where it was impossible to hide my sadness and bitterness with things....
Then I was a bitter person, but I had friends who helped me through.
They helped me vent and let me get those negitive feelings out so I could deal.

I think ( and this is opinion only) that you should focus on you for a little, to see why you are so sad, and then work it out.

Not saying that would be an easy thing, but it would be a step

not4me said...

Wow I feel the same way! It didn't start until I left 8 years of being in the Marine Corps behind me. I got out in 2001. I go to therapy for it occasionally. It's almost paralyzing because sometimes I just can't bring myself to go out in public at all. It's like getting married and having kids took away all of my self-confidence. I would go so far as to say that I just don't like people anymore but I can put on a deceptive and impressive show. I'm very intelligent, I'm an air traffic controller, a computer geek and I consider myself to be extremely intuitive and enlightened about why I am the way I am. Regardless, I can't bring about a change in myself.